Music:I Will Follow You Into The Dark-Death Cab for Cutie
No Ordinary Love
This week has been really crazy with Jelani...and everytime I want to be done, everytime I'm fed up with him, everytime I hurt, everytime I know I don't deserve this, everytime I start to hate him, I fall more and more in love with him...everytime I want to walk away, something just keeps pulling me back to him...and everytime we talk, I just can't shake the feeling that he is the one. I don't want to date anyone else, I don't want to talk to anyone else, I just want us to be together right here, right now, forever and always. These moments are not promised to us and it's important to hold onto what you have, fight for what you want, and cherish every single moment...it's important to take advantage of every opportunity afforded, and I keep on giving him opportunities and chances and it just doesn't seem like he's ready to be with me. And I don't know what to do because I don't want to walk away from him, but I know that I can't keep playing games with my heart. I just want to be happy, and he makes me very very very happy. This isn't any ordinary love...this love doesn't come often...it's love like this that you have to hold onto and cherish, because it's so precious and it's so special. It's the kind of love that keeps you up late at night, the kind of love where all you see is that person, all you think about is that person 24 hours a day/7 days a week, even when you try to stop, you're unsuccessful. It's the kind of love where you just want to plan and you want to put your all into it repeatedly knowing there is a chance you'll hurt, but it's worth it. It's the kind of love where you believe in second chances because you need it to work more than anything because without it, there is no reason to continue living. It's the kind of love where you sacrifice so much but in the end, the reward is far greater than you could realize. It's the kind of love where you know people make mistakes and you hate them for it but love them at the same time. It's the kind of love where you just want to wake up next to that person every day. Where being in their arms means you're safe from all hurt, harm, and danger. Where sitting in silence is better than being without them. This kind of love is the kind that hurts your heart and you toss and turn at night, crying yourself to sleep and waking up to a drenched pillow because you can't stop worrying about them and the current/future state of your relationship. This is the kind of love that is not meant for the weak, but built for the strong. This is the kind of love where you can't stop talking about the person, things you've done, memories you've shared, and things you plan on accomplishing as a couple and as individuals in the future. This is the kind of love where you freak out because you haven't heard from them within five minutes. This is the kind of love where even if you're not still wearing your engagement ring, you can still see and feel its imprint on your finger and whenever you put it back on, it seems that all is right with the world. This kind of love is eternal, nothing can end it...things try to interfere and weaken it, but it just gets stronger and stronger. Honestly, when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want to start right now. When you realize you've found this love, you want to fight for it, keep to yourself, and hold on to it forever and ever.
I just want to start right now and I hope and pray he realizes this before it's too late